- Seeking Knowledge n Wisdom in every turn, every nook and every cranny -

- Knowledge + Practice = FAITH -

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In depth discussion about almost everything is just not for everyone. Talk about something that only you yourself understand will only attract difficulties.

Force your view to someone else without them understanding the real reason of "Why" certain things are "that" certain and you'll get "blind" followers.

Wonder why there's the term "orang awam" used in Islam? Because without basic knowledge about this Religion you can't fathom anything deeper. I used to partially blame ulama' for not revealing everything that I need to know about Faith.

They are not revealing because the best road to Faith is by Practicing knowledge. They can only show us the knowledge and the limit for us in order to get there. How you'll come to absolute faith about the One depends on how we practice the knowledge we've gathered.

Every person's experience is unique. Some might just find faith in a puny apple seed. Someone might find faith by vigorously searching, etc, etc.

We are all researcher. Searching for something to understand in our life. Start being critical, start being curious. I'm not very sure myself, but I can say that by knowing why you do something that you do or why you do something that you have to do is much more sweeter than only follow.

Oopppss ... forgot to tell. Always have a 'fasilitator' in your way to Faith. We can always stray away from "Siratol Mustaqim" if we don't have one. Don't you ever dare to seek Faith alone for we can be easily distracted by our absolute enemy.

And, what exactly the relation between what I've said and the topic?

Basically I'm torn with choices whether to use English or Malay in order for me to explain something complicated.

In one hand, I really wanted to improve my English by always writing and thinking English. However, more often than not it's easier for me to express something in Malay.

Anyway, I don't want this little distraction distract me from writing. I might just rojak thing here and then. Rojak kan sedap!

That's all for now. I really want to share my experience about forgiveness. I will start writing about it as soon as I can.

I key off for now.


PersWis, Monday, 12th January 2004;


Playing Handicap Card


Lex: “how long have you been able to see?”

Lionel: “Few weeks”

Lex: “ Playing a handicap card is low, even for you!”

Lionel: “but aaa, I was able to see more clearly than ever. It’s amazing what people trying to get away with right in front of your eyes, when they think you can’t see”

Lex: “I can only imagine”


The dialog above is from one of the Smallville drama @ TV3 that I recorded inside my hard disk. Yeah, have u ever played your handicap cards? There’s a lot of handicap cards out there that can be think of but basically IMHO the most powerful of all is by playing ‘attract sympathy’ trick. Not much that I can share here because my life perhaps is not as rich for me to draw as much example as I like but I can share one or two that I know.


One of it is act as if that you don’t know. Act as if that you are ‘blind’. Not blind physically but you know you saw something but act like you do not saw it. In certain case people would say that I’m cheating. Yes I am cheating! I do not deny that, because I’m cheating to detect a cheater. More often than not the one who accused you are a cheater, liar or whatever is the one who a cheater themselves. Anyway, I must say this apply only with people I encounter. The people I have not encountered might be similar or might hugely different.


For me, people are unique. Every person is different, surely. There are similarities, yes but generally there are a lot more differences than similarities. Death of my parents and your parents draw similarities; death of parents, but in the very same time, it draws differences as well. My father died when I’m barely 2 years old. Honestly, I can’t even remember my father’s face and I don’t know whether I love him or not. The experience must be different if I’m 20 years old, right?


I play my handicap card when I wanted to know peoples character. Anger, outburst, being cold and bunch of other negative trait are also excellent handicap card. You must be in control though, because sometimes you are receiving more than what you expect.


As Lionel Luther put it, you can ‘see’ more clearly than ever. You can see what people trying to do behind your back. You can pinpoint whether people are acting nice in front of you and spit you a gallon behind your back etc, etc.


The main reason anyway is not to condemn anybody, but to double-check myself. Perhaps I thought that I’m doing well with what I do when actually people are sick of it and just can’t say it in front of me because of restrictions. Maybe I’m too stubborn to be advised with or maybe I’m self absorbed … the list goes on and on.


In the end, the most important of all is our intention of doing things. Better be sincere and better be good because our actions will be ask after the end of time. I do not recommend you to do negative things such as swear, cheat or anything else coz I do have reasons for what I do. Do your own negative things to achieve whatever end to your own risk!


Oh perhaps I forgot to tell you something. Before you do something, better know the limit … every limit than you can study of including your own limitation, the limit of situations and, the most important of all; the limit of right or wrong. I can’t give you exact example, but remember when an old women come to see our beloved prophet, Muhammad S.A.W and ask whether she enters heaven or not? What was our prophet answer and why he answers that way? I do not desire to explain more, you have to find the story for your self and therefore, I key off, for now.



PersWis, Tuesday, 6th January 2004;